Connection is a powerful force. It marks out the great speakers, leaders and teachers, for they act from a place connection. In connection they show confidence, presence and a centred strength that manifests as calm, power and passion.
Connection to what you might ask? Firstly, they connect with themselves, by means of honour, integrity and living on- purpose. From that place of self- knowledge and understanding, they are able to connect to others through empathy and compassion. By extension, they love life and the world around them and remain open to its connection in its many forms.
Once this connection is in place, the love that flows along it will manifest itself in a myriad of ways. Men and women will show it differently. What will be the same is the connection that marks the quality of the interaction. You know when you are having a conversation with someone whether they are truly paying attention. You can sense it.
It is easy to be confident when you are guarded and never give anything away. I would call this inauthentic confidence. You hide behind a mask and never show your true feelings and vulnerability.
It is a much more challenging prospect to be vulnerable, show your imperfections, share your truth and be open to the consequences of the actions that result from that way of being. To be able to do this confidently shows an inner strength and resilience that demonstrates authentic confidence.
You may find it easier to walk through life disconnected from yourself, others and the world. It is a very different proposition to maintain the connection with yourself and the people and the world around you when you run the risk of your heart being broken and your dreams dashed.
If you are to have authentic confidence and be able to relax into yourself with peace and calm, this vulnerability is essential. The bluff and bluster of a person too fearful to make mistakes and show their true feelings cannot grow in their authentic confidence. They are not in touch with their body, mind and emotions enough to know who and what they are at a deep level. They cannot truly share themselves because they have no idea how gloriously wonderful and flawed they are. It is this connection with yourself that starts the process of connection outwards into the world and the people you share your life with.
Connection and the archetypes: Lover
In the world of archetypes, the Lover is this aspect of connection. Regardless of gender, when we live in connection with ourselves and others, we are open to intimacy. Of course this includes sexual intimacy. It also includes deeper and more enriching relationships with almost everyone in our lives.
We can do this by opening up physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Physically, we may speak about Presence. Mentally, curiosity might involve exploration and delving into the source of something such as gratitude, compassion and appreciation. Emotionally, we keep an open heart and wish to connect with others. Spiritually, we may practice meditation, contemplation and a love of life, which might also involve a combination of all of the other three. Living your life this way in turn gives others permission to do the same.
One- sided connection
There is a risk that this connection is outwardly directed only. This is the Lover in Shadow. You may seek this connection from others and so try to please them for their love and admiration. In this you may lose your identity. This may drive you to feel eternally restless, fragmented, depressed, flat or dead inside. The restlessness comes from endlessly seeking connection with others without that connection with yourself, to fill that gap you feel within. Without that source of connection, you may experience low mood and vitality.
Two- way connection
In fact, the true power comes from within, connecting to yourself first, so that you allow that connection with others. It comes from a strong sense of self, freeing you to have a deeper connection with all.
The Lover seeks this grand union with all things. I have a client who started coaching seeking to explore her potential. Over the months she has revealed an incredible desire for connection that informs her relationships with herself, her clients, children, partner, family, friends and life itself. All are blossoming in the Light of her passion for connection. She opens herself and feels incredible love flowing in and out. Through vulnerable connection she is open to this dynamic dance.
Once upon a time she was dominated by fear, closed down and unwilling to interact with people without conflict. When we met she wanted to be free of this negativity. Now at last she is breaking loose and enjoying tremendous success and joy.
Connection in action
In the Moving Meditation courses I run, we explore the Lover in the four aspects of embodiment: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. We start by connection internally which inevitably leads to external connection and an automatic, natural and organic connection happens spontaneously.
And for those of you who think the Lover is reserved purely for romantic gestures. In my experience, the Lover informs all the other archetypes I explore. Firstly, Warrior is more empathic rather than emotionally detached. Sovereign is more compassionate instead of exhibiting over baring control. Magician is more interested in universal service rather than self -serving. Jester is more insightful than simply a comic raising a laugh. Finally, Rebel is empowered by a cause for the greater good rather than to destroy for the sake of change.
Over to You
Where do you find yourself disconnecting in relationships? How does that show up in your behaviour? In what way do other people respond? How do you react when other people disconnect from you? In what way are things different when you remain connected? Where do you see the Lover showing up in your life? What areas of your life would you like to see your Lover show up more? I’d love to hear your comments and observations about the power connection has in your life.
Pass it on
Thank you for reading. I hope you found this article useful? If you know anyone who would benefit from reading it too, please pass it on and help others delve deeper into their true potential. It will also help expand the Potentiality Coaching community.