,

You’ve got that nagging feeling

With clarity of life purpose comes the power to take action and live on purpose

With clarity of life purpose comes the power to take action and live on purpose

Do you notice how in spite of your success in life, there is a nagging feeling inside that there is ‘something more’? A career, a calling, a thing you feel you must do and then you will feel a sense of contentment, like you have arrived.  That feeling is the desire within you to live life on purpose.

You may push the idea away, saying that it is foolish- you have a good job, family life, friends. Why would you rock the boat or risk that security to follow such a crazy dream? Maybe you think what you have in your life should be enough and that you are selfish to dream bigger and go for something more?

And yet, regardless of these ‘common sense’ and ‘sensible’ arguments, the idea keeps returning, jabbing at you or sticking pins into you.  That purpose continues tapping you on the shoulder and reminding you that it is there.

Living life on purpose

I know these feelings. I have been there many times in fact. When I had a successful career in science at Cambridge University, I founded a martial arts centre and later gave up my career in science to pursue that path more fully. The martial arts centre runs in Cambridge to this day.

Later I discovered I had more to give and started life coaching, firstly as an additional strand to the martial arts training I offer and now as a stand- alone business as well. Each step has been a step towards greater fulfilment and self- expression of my gifts, abilities and desire to share.

And what I discovered in taking those steps in my self is that I had many of the skills already. Those I did not have I developed along the way. Once the feeling was strong enough and the message clear enough, I found the courage to take that first step and then the next and so on. The worries of ‘not being good enough’ and ‘I’m afraid to take the risks’ still surface and I know will continue to surface along the way. They are challenged and made weaker every time I take a step towards living my life with more clarity and purpose. In later blogs I’ll share how I got that clarity and how you can get that clarity too.

Over to you

I’d love to hear your story about how you took that step towards realising ‘something more’ inside. Perhaps you have not taken it yet- what does it feel like to hold on to it and to contemplate taking that step? Whether you’re teetering on the edge, free falling or standing safely on solid ground at the bottom of the cliff, or the top, let’s share our stories and support each other in realising our potential. Is it change in career, a new hobby or relationship? The possibilities are endless.

Why don’t you……….?

If you found this article useful and interesting please pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word.  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

And if you’d like to talk to me about gaining clarity and taking steps to get rid of that nagging feeling so that you can live your life with more meaning, fulfilment and purpose, please contact me in privacy and confidentiality on +(44) 7980 204946 or at david@potentialitycoaching.co.uk

/by
,

The Power of Connection

Never before have we had resources at our fingertips to discover the work & experience of others & learn from them

Never before have we had resources at our fingertips to discover the work & experience of others & learn from them

Connection is key to our human experience.  Without it we feel isolated and alone.  Connection binds us to each other.  Therefore, we are stronger as a collective.  Alone, we have our skills and talents alone, no matter how considerable.  Together, we have the skills of many and we can achieve so much more together than we can alone.

Having said all that, do you feel that asking for help and support shows a sign of weakness and that you are cheating in some way?

Do you think that if you want to achieve something you have to do it alone?

When you do attempt to do it alone is it stressful and hard work and often not that much fun?

The Power of Connection

If the above questions sound like you then let me assure you- you are not alone. For many years I had that attitude.  It is only recently that I have changed my view and reached out for support, guidance and help.

For me, the sense of weakness came from not knowing the answers.  Surely I should be able to work it out!  The sense of cheating came from an assumption that it had to be hard and harsh before it would feel like a success and accomplishment.

In truth, why should you know the answers? You know your questions which point to the gaps in your knowledge. If you do not have the experience, why would you know the answers.  Why would you know what to do next and what direction to take?

You wouldn’t!

Someone with more experience in that area may have a better idea and be willing to point you in the right direction. As a consequence, that new information gives you answers to your questions.  Those answers will lead to the next step along your way to exploring your full potential. Therefore, finding the answers to your questions is the key.  Whether you do it alone or ask advice from others, discovering the answers is the driver.

And why should it be stressful?

Why, it could be fun?

It could be the chance to: create strong working and/ or personal relationships; build a network of like- minded people who can benefit from your willingness to reach out and learn; learn more and learn it faster if you reached out to the experts and the more experienced; discover the people who are happy to give their time freely without charge if only we would reach out.

Never before have we had resources at our fingertips on the Internet and other media.  It allows us to discover the work and experience of others and learn from them. There are times when you really are walking the road that no one has walked before.  Perhaps then it is time to stride out and forge the way, leading others with the power and confidence of your experience.

Over to you

What are your experiences of going it alone? How do you feel about reaching out? What works for you and what doesn’t work……  I’d love to hear from you and in so doing build a community of people who support each other in their path to discovering and fulfilling their full potential.

Why not………..

If you found this article useful and interesting please pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word.  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

/by
,

The Impact of Choices

You make choices every moment of every day.  Even by not choosing you are deciding NOT to take action.  All is choice. So, the life you lead right now is a product of your choices.  The question is, are your choices taking you closer or further away from the things that are really important to you?

Being clear about what is of value to you gives you clarity.

Being clear about what is of value to you gives you clarity.

It does not have to be the huge things that this affects.  Although the answer to this question will influence the quality of your life.  As well as the path you take upon that journey.  Each step along that journey also has a flavour, an ambience and a resonance.  That either aligns with the things that you value in life, or it does not.

When my wife and I got married, we made a purposeful commitment to have a wedding celebration that honoured the things that we felt were important to us: family, children, close friends, fun, good food, elegance, homeliness, beautiful surroundings in nature….. the list goes on.  The day was beautiful.  Along the way to organising the day, we were faced with decisions that were full of often overwhelming choices.  It was challenging.  On the whole we did not allow ourselves to become distracted from what we felt was most important.  At times we made choices that others did not like.  These moments were dealt with in a compassionate way and for the most part people were very understanding.

Clarity makes Choices easier

Being clear about what is of value to you gives you clarity.  Taking a little time out to reflect on what is important may be invaluable to you to make sure you are moving in the right direction.  This can be particularly important when faced with the fast pace of modern business and personal lives.  Living aligned to your values helps to keep you focussed and energised.  It may even give you the confidence and belief that you are heading in the “right” direction.  Even when you are not necessarily totally sure of where you are headed.  The beauty and wonder of life unfolds in its own time.

You build your future here and now.  So make sure you are building a future that is full of the things that are really important to you.  As these things change, you will change your future accordingly.  Being aware of the process keeps you in touch with the shifting sands of your life and its passions, drives and motivations.

Determining your Values

So how do you know what your values are?  One such way is to connect to a “peak” experience.  A moment when things felt perfect and you were in the flow.  I had one such moment at my wedding:  looking out over the small crowd of loved ones who had come to celebrate our special day with us, the venue, the setting, the games, the music and feelings of connection that came with it.  When I make choices in my life I do so in reference to these values.  They inform my choices, creating my present and my future and building a past that I am becoming increasingly proud of.

Your turn…..

I’d love to hear your stories of how value- based choices have enhanced your life.  How have they built great memories and helped to create wonderful futures for you and your loved ones?  It is the unfolding of your potential in its many forms that helps to create a life of meaning and fulfilment.  Live it well.

Why not………..

If you found this article useful and informative please pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word.  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

/by
,

Listening to your intuition

When your Intuition Speaks

You may often hear that intuitive voice.  That doesn’t mean you are going to act on it.  In my experience, listening to and acting on that intuition can lead to some incredible experiences.  Over time, it builds trust between you and your intuitive mind and that leads to a greater connection and relationship with your self.

Intuition_Blog_PhotoMy wife and I home educated our son for a few years.  We took every opportunity to take him to events in Cambridge that would inspire him and stretch his mind.  There are countless events throughout the year in this university city and one such opportunity are the open days at the Royal Observatory when they let the public look through the telescopes.  After hours of lectures, games and fun activities, night fell and we were given the choice of two telescopes.  We went with the majority and queued to see Saturn- that was definitely what our son wanted to see.

Casting our eyes on Saturn

For 90 minutes we waited.  Every person that walked past us on the way out from looking through the telescope had blank, impassive faces.  People were starting to leave the queue.  Was there nothing to see?  Were we wasting our time? My wife, I and grandparents exchanged concerned glances and wondered whether this was an exercise in futility, but our son was undeterred.  He knew it was going to be amazing.  Even when we could see people looking through the telescope there was no noticeable reaction, just a brief glance and then the long walk back to the exit.

When our turn came, our son mounted the steps and peered down the lens- he was transported!!!!  He had never seen anything so cool.  Excited, he stepped aside so that we could see and he was right- it was really cool!!!!  This white silhouette on a black background was moving slowly across the eye piece.  We were looking at Saturn in real time as we moved in position in relation to this planet millions of miles away.  Everyone was ecstatic.  None of us could stop talking about it in animated tones all the way to the exit and beyond.

We were rewarded for trusting our son’s intuition in spite of the evidence in front of our eyes.  It bonded us as a family and strengthened our son’s trust in himself as well as cemented our love and appreciation for nature and this living universe.  I will always be grateful to our son for making us stay and trusting his intuition when it would have been all too easy to listen to nay- sayers and ignore the urge to trust in the unknown.

Over to you

When have you listened to your intuition?  What spectacular events or funny stories came from trusting that inner voice?  How did it make you feel?  I’d love to hear from you, so please post your experiences on the comments page.  Many thanks for reading and connecting.

Why not………..

If you found this article useful and interesting please pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word.  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

/1 Comment/by
,

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

Growth happens outside your comfort zone

Growth happens outside your comfort zone

It was Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Do one thing every day that scares you”.  In this age of super human heroes in movies, fearless warriors in computer games along with the facade and bravado that people often display in every day life to show that they are fit and strong enough to compete for the greatest successes in their personal and professional lives, the idea of doing something that scares me is overwhelming.  It feels like I have to be this perfect ideal.  That shows no fear and never makes mistakes.  It feels like I have to up the ante each time.

Who can compete with that?  I certainly can’t!

Comfort Zone

The idea of doing things daily that seem to require super human heroism on my part often means that I don’t do anything.  Over time this has a negative impact on my self- worth and self- esteem.  Then someone introduced me to the idea of stepping out of my comfort zone just enough so that it was a challenge.  And importantly, not so much that it felt like over whelm.  I began to use Mrs Roosevelt’s saying in a way that enhanced my life.

Public Speaking- a common speak out of your comfort zone

Let me share, if you will, a personal example with you.  I have always had a strong aversion to public speaking.  What is interesting in that for years I have felt that I should do it.  I have written lectures TED style, courses to be delivered to classes over 6- 12 weeks and video scripts.  I’ve never been able to deliver.

On a recent CPD course it occurred to me that perhaps I was setting my sights too high in the first instance.  Perhaps the talks on video and in front of classes would come.  Even a TED talk.  For now though I felt like I needed to take a small step to prove to myself that it was possible.  So I did.  Although there was a sense of fear and anxiety there was also a sense of feeling alive.  It felt on the edge, challenged and at the same time manageable.  The feeling of success was elation and then what followed was a calmness and serenity that had eluded me for years.

I had avoided the stress of public speaking and other such things that made me feel anxious.  It was always accompanied by this gnawing feeling that I should be doing something more.  Now I had taken that step, mustered the courage.  It felt great to have taken myself to the edge of my comfort zone and survived.  A little melodramatic granted but that is how it felt.

Yin and Yang, pressure and serenity

In Taoism, the Chinese speak of Yin and Yang.  These are the polar opposites of right and left, up and down, masculine and feminine, light and dark.  Taoists and ancient Chinese understood that these concepts work in balance and in cycles.  In fact, there cannot be one without the other.  Just as darkness gives way to light, so challenge and the accompanying pressure to perform give way to a sense of calmness and serenity.  This is exactly what I felt.  It is strange to me to think that in order to feel serene I have to earn it in a way by stepping out of my comfort zone.  It is by this law of nature, as the Taoists would say, that things move forward and grow.  Humans are no different.  We are still subject to this natural and universal law.

“Do something every day that scares you”

Then, the serenity gives way to the gnawing feeling again and I know that I must move on and challenge myself again.  As Eleanor Roosevelt reminded us, this cycle lasts about a day.  It stops us becoming complacent, stagnant and bored and encourages us to be ever vigilant and searching, moving forward and engaged with the act of living and growing, in pursuit of achieving our full potential.

Pass it on

Did you find this article useful and interesting?  If so, why not pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word?  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

/by
,

Different Perspectives

Sometimes seeing a situation from a different perspective can be really freeing

Sometimes seeing a situation from a different perspective can be really freeing

Learning comes from many sources.  It is the key to finding new perspectives to situations.  This in turn leads to self -growth.

Recently I was preparing for a presentation and getting increasingly stressed and anxious about the event.  The effect on my body felt like an inward and downward spiral, compounding the effects.  Then I remembered a TED talk by Kelly McGonigal.  She speaks about viewing stress differently.   How the stress response is actually preparing your body to perform better.  It’s reaching out for help and support, so that you can be the best you can be.  Instantly I felt the sensation of overwhelm fall away.  There was still stress, the pressure of performing.  Now it was without the overwhelming feeling of this inward and downward spiral.  I felt freer to prepare and perform.

Is it the “Situation” or the “Problem”?

Sometimes seeing a situation from different perspectives can be really freeing.  The facts have not changed, your view of them has.  I am often reminded that there is learning everywhere, if only I am receptive to it.  Very often, there will be a situation in my life and I will see it as a problem.  I may even focus on the symptoms and think they are the problem.  With each step, I am getting further away from the core of the learning that is available.  The word “situation” is neutral, less emotional and easier to handle.  “Problem” begins to apportion blame.  Focusing on “symptom” simply creates a smoke screen of denial and confusion.

What is the learning?

There are reasons I have arrived at this situation, qualities that I bring that have led to this outcome.  I may love the situation I am in and the outcomes- that is great.  I have mastered the creation of that particular situation- there is no learning here, just the experience of the connections I have created.  Immersing myself in this is important, for it powers this moment and builds the energy of my life.

If I do not like the situation or think it could be better, what can I do to improve it?  How can I view it differently to see more of the benefits?  What can I learn about myself, others and what it takes to build events in my life?  Blame and smoke screens, “problem” and “symptom”, separate me from myself and the moment, leaving me to feel diminished and disempowered.

Practice seeing a different view

May I suggest an alternative?  Pick a situation.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  Play around at viewing it from different stand- points.  How might other people there see it?  What would people who were not there say about it?  What new skills could you learn that might make for a better outcome?

There is no blame here, simply learning.  By looking at it this way you are connecting with yourself and the learning available in that moment, being honest and establishing your next possible area of growth and development.  This way of thinking means you are taking responsibility for your life and the outcomes of your actions.  It is a self empowering process that keeps you real and watchful.

People feel this honouring of responsibility.  They may not agree, but they will recognise your authenticity.  This will show in a myriad of subtle ways, building bridges of connection between you and your family, friends and colleagues.

Taking your place in the world starts from within.

Your turn………

I’d love to hear from you.  Please share your stories of life’s situations and how you turned them into opportunities for growth and learning in the comments section at the bottom of the page.  Many thanks for reading the blog and contributing to making this an empowering, supportive and learning environment.

And why not………..

If you found this article useful and interesting please pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word.  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

/by
,

Life Balance

Life Balance is the art of keeping all the elements of your life in harmony

Life Balance is the art of keeping all the elements of your life in harmony

Life balance is an issue that will affect every area of your life throughout your life.  Do these scenarios sound familiar?

  • You work all the hours possible to be able to afford the opportunities your children deserve in life because you love them.  In doing so you rarely see them.  You do not have the relationship with them you would like
  • Are you running around from commitment to commitment, stressing out as you juggle your time between work, family, friends and DIY which means you are not sleeping well, eating well or having relaxing downtime
  • Are you feeling the pressure of keeping up appearances?  Do you live beyond your means, living the life of Riley without a sustainable income?

If so, there is an issue of life balance that you may wish to address. Focusing on certain areas can leave other parts of your life neglected and unfulfilled.

Only by taking a broad over- view can you begin to address the issues>  Then this will bring contentment, empowerment and vitality to every area of your life.

The Wheel of Life

A great coaching tool that can help with Life Balance is “The Wheel of Life”. Picture a wheel that is divided into sections. Each section represents an area of your life. You will choose the ones that are most relevant to you.  Some areas you might want to consider are:

  • career
  • family
  • your spouse/ partner
  • health, fitness
  • religion
  • finances
  • charity work
  • friends
  • a spiritual path
  • work in your community

You want all these sections to be strong within themselves.  Ideally, they will be in harmony with each other, giving you confidence, trust and belief in yourself and in life itself.

Working with “The Wheel of Life” highlights the areas where you want to bring your life into greater balance and harmony.

Values and beliefs

You build your reality- your thoughts drive the energy of your being.  How you approach any sphere of your life is centred around your thinking.  This in turn is shaped by your core values and beliefs.

Life success is achieved by working with values and beliefs that work well together.  They work for you so that you can achieve your goals.  You might be thinking this is obvious. You would be right, but time and again, I see how people struggle when they do not understand how the power of their thinking profoundly affects their life.

Life Balance

Let me give you an example. One of earliest clients was Peter (not his real name). He was struggling with his life situation since his divorce.  He wanted to improve things for the benefit of himself and his son.

Peter took on a Psychology degree to improve his earning potential.  He had part time work and a third storey bed- sit, the cheapest accommodation he could find, to make ends meet. He was getting D and E grades, missing classes, working long hours.  How was he to find the quality time with his son he wanted? Peter was trying to get all the elements of his life to work together.  That could not happen without the life balance to bring them into harmony.

He and I worked together for a month, just one hour a week.  We identified elements of his thinking that created barriers to achieving the life he really wanted to live. By the end, he was getting A and B grades.  He found new work that paid better for less hours and a ground floor apartment with a garden that was ideal living space for his son to come and stay and enjoy their time together.  The broad over- view “The Wheel of Life” offered allowed Peter to see what needed to be addressed.  He found the inner wisdom to discover how to address it instilling trust and belief in himself and his ability to tackle life’s challenging situations.

Is it time for you to take control?

Do you want to develop a sense of balance that comes from understanding your motivations and leads to excitement and fulfillment in all aspects of your life?

If it is, then I invite you to use the suggestions in this article and begin to take control and live the life you want to live.

Why not………..

If you found this article useful and interesting please pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word.  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

/by
,

Breaking Habits

Habits are entrenched behaviours- we are simply digging holes for ourselves.

Habits are entrenched behaviours- we are simply digging holes for ourselves.

Habits can be tough things to break.  We make New Year’s resolutions and have tossed them away by the middle of January.  We resolve to lose weight or give up smoking.  Then stumble under the insistence of cravings or peer group pressure.  We try the same methods over and over again.  Confident that THIS time we have the resolve, the commitment and the desire.  It was Einstein that said that foolishness is doing the same thing time and again and expecting different results.

So let’s start by dispelling a few myths about habits that might make it easier to understand what is happening and therefore empower you to greater success.

Habits are entrenched behaviours and like any hole it takes time to dig it.  The longer you dig it the deeper and wider it becomes.  Every time you repeat your entrenched behaviour you are working to make the hole a little larger (like our little friend here in the picture).  I have struggled all my life with being over- weight.  It was not until I received a real health scare that I forced myself to look at the reasons behind my over- eating. Boredom was the main culprit.  A habit that had developed from childhood of reaching for food when I was at a loose end.  Mostly during adverts or waiting for something to start like my workout class or a meal!!!!!!

Mind- Framing

Before then I had tried to lose weight, and had framed it around eating less.  My mind- set was one of denying myself, scarcity, negativity and incredibly difficult to sustain.  What worked for me was framing it around better health.  A much more positive mind- set built around empowerment.

I educated myself about the healthy things I could eat, reducing cholesterol, paying attention to levels of saturated fat in food and recognising the craving for food when I had a gap in my day. That was the hardest part, made easier by my commitment to healthy living. I did not want to have the heart attack my elder brother had had and have stents fitted to keep me alive!!!

A Little Self- Compassion

Over time, I have dug myself another hole- new entrenched behaviour based upon positive, healthy living.  Every shovel- full of earth from this new hole goes to fill in the old one, reaffirming every success.  I congratulate myself on feeling lighter, more revitalised and energised, more productive and generally fitter and healthier.  It also allows me to have compassion for myself when I go back to the old habit.  It’s a huge hole that I sometimes fall back into.  This gets me back to my new mind- set quicker and easier, without the baggage and chastisement that used to go with the odd trip up.

Shifting Mind Set

In this world of instant access, we are used to having things now.  Habit breaking does not work that way- it takes time and effort.  A slow gradual process of unlearning the old habit and entrenching a new habit that is better for your health, productivity, career prospects, personal development and progression is the only sure- fire way.  It requires a shift in mind- set and life- style choice.  The feeling of empowerment and success when you achieve your goals is second to none. Good luck and I hope this helps to break the habits that may be barriers on your road to achieving your goals and dreams and fulfilling your true potential.

Over to you

What entrenched behaviour have you overcome?  What habits are you struggling with?  How have you achieved success in breaking habits?  Do you have any tips that would help others overcome habits that limit their potential?  If you do, please post them in the comments section below and help build an on- line resource to empower people to achieve their full potential.

Why not………..

If you found this article useful and interesting please pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word.  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

/by