Children's palms facing forward with the letters of forgiveness painted on with different colours

Do you wonder if you are good enough?

The pattern and the trap of this is that we are working from the outside in, looking for external validation to feel OK about ourselves. It just doesn’t work that way. We might enjoy some reprieve from the anxiety of thinking “I’m not enough”, but it will swiftly return because we are constantly looking for confirmation that we are OK from the outside. But it is not an outside job. The job is done from the inside.

This is how it worked for me.

Are you a Nice Guy?
Do you strive to be agreeable, accommodating, prioritise other people’s needs and ignore your own for a quiet life or to avoid confrontation?
Being Nice may not be getting you all that you want.
Being Nice might mean saying “yes” more than you really want to so that you feel liked, loved and accepted. All too often, the result is that you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated and resentful.

How are you when you experience rejection?

When you do something that might lead to rejection, how do you behave?  Do you hold back and not put in your all?

When you take action, are you actually looking for acknowledgement from others?  What happens if you don’t get it?  How do you respond if the feedback is critical?

Seeking acknowledgment from others is a trap.  If you do that, you are outsourcing your power.  At best, there is only temporary relief from the fear and worry of wondering “Am I good enough?”  The feeling of relief comes from outside your self-from other people.

There is NO freedom in that.

What voice have you been trained to listen to?

The external voice of teachers, parents, authority figures and those around you?  Or the inner voice of your Sovereign Leadership?

If you are anything like me, you are well trained in listening to the external voices.

And, like me, you probably fought against those voices at certain times in your life. 

What if with a simple shift of your body, you could have 100% confidence in your leadership ability and decision making? Leadership is an inherent quality in all living things.  In the language of archetypes, that inherent quality is Sovereign.  All living things have the inherent ability to stand in their sovereignty. You can access your sovereignty by the way you stand and hold yourself.  By bringing attention to the alignment, sensations and feelings in the body, you can embrace your Sovereign leadership.

Have you ever been in a job or a relationship where you felt that you were not being yourself?  That by wearing a mask, you would fit in and make that job or relationship work somehow.  Perhaps you really needed the job or felt like it was the job you “should” go for.  Or maybe you didn’t want to be alone, so you were prepared to enter a relationship and hide parts of yourself or put on a show, so that you would feel loved? So, how do you get that authenticity back?  How can you remove the mask?

What brings you joy?  What lights you up?  If you were to “follow your bliss”, as Joseph Campbell said, what would you do?  Who would you be?  When I ask these questions, sometimes people say “well, that’s just fantasy!!” in a cynical way.  If that’s you, this blog is not for you.  If these questions touch a longing inside of you, a spark or flame that wants to burn brighter, then you might well find something interesting in what lies below.

When the coronavirus pandemic started, we were encouraged to use an “elbow bump”. An informal and COVID-safe greeting that replaced the handshake. In 2021, however, I have been introduced to the Corona Bow. I think I prefer bowing to bumping. It points to self-respect, mutual appreciation, trust and humility. But, what does bowing have to do with coaching?

When you’re under pressure, what tools do you use to ensure you respond effectively?  How do you manage yourself when you are up against it?  Life is full of challenging conversations, situations and relationships.  As well as regularly facing volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity. 

The world has changed, there is no doubt about that. Coronavirus had altered the landscape of our lives personally, locally, nationally and globally. It has affected how we shop, work, educate our kids, travel, socialise and created so much uncertainty that is affecting the mental health of many people around the world.