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Archetypes- Sovereign

When I speak to clients about fulfilment in their lives, I often hear them say that they fell into their careers, relationships and the places they live. The skill of making the best of what we have is an important one. We can create wonderful lives for ourselves this way.

Taking control

How about creating your life? How about taking control & being proactive?

Rather than always reacting to life, how about creating your life? How about taking control and being proactive in creating the career, life style, relationships and home etc. that you desire?

We all require self rule. To control our lives as we see fit and within the larger context of a global arena. In order to be Sovereign over your life, you want to take responsibility for your place in the world and the part you play in it.  To live confidently, with purpose, well- being and a sense of balance and harmony.  You also create and follow rules that allow your life and the lives of others to flourish.

If you do not do it, others will. Then, you become a pawn in the game of life. You may feel like a victim, disempowered when you see life’s events unfold against you. And when they are for you, you may feel no sense of power that you helped to create such fortune.

The Light Touch

To feel the weight of responsibility crushes some people and inspires others. Some thrive under the pressure of making sure people are cared for, that abundance flows in other people’s lives as well as their own. Standing in the Light of this role, they embrace the need to plan, strategise and take action decisively for the greater good. To own this responsibility is to take control of your life and plan for the future you dream for yourself and bring your friends, family, colleagues and partners along for the journey.

The Unsavoury side of Control

For those that do not embrace this role in Light, there is always the dark. Weak and manipulative, the Sovereign in Shadow is a tyrant. The school bully is a classic example, picking on the weak to demonstrate his strength.  This need comes from an inner weakness that leads to over bearing control, paranoia and cruelty.

As adults this can manifest as the dictator or the destructive leader who exploits others for his own gain. He takes the glory but never the blame. Modern rulers such as Muammar Gaddafi and Saddam Hussein are well known as tyrants. Anwar Sadat and Nelson Mandela might be considered leaders of benevolence.

Sphere of Influence

The archetype of Sovereign, the King or Queen, is a daily commitment to controlling the aspects of your life that are within your sphere of influence.  Consequently, understanding what is and is not in your control is the first step in leading with calm, confidence and effectiveness. To lead and give people autonomy comes from self assurance and humility. A great leader must have these qualities. He or she controls through freedom without fear of losing control.

The Sovereign applied

In coaching, it can be the Sovereign within the coach that guides the session towards empowering the client towards finding his or her own Sovereign.  As a result, the client has autonomy. This is how it should be. A client must feel totally independent to be fully empowered. Through this process inner transformation can be evoked. This is the true power of coaching.

Every week I see clients work at taking control of their careers, relationships, health and well- being, businesses, finances, education, personal development and more. And when life throws curve balls I see them working to create outcomes that serve them and the people in their lives.

One client for example was in a long career that he felt served him less and less. Through coaching he found a much more fulfilling career path in which he makes a huge positive difference to young people’s lives. That strength and resolve to take control and create a life of meaning, purpose and beauty is the Sovereign in action.

Over to You

Where does your Sovereign show up in your life? How can this be of benefit to your life? Can you see where your Sovereign might be over controlling or not controlling enough? If you’d like to take more control and create more of the life you want for yourself, why not get in touch and we can discuss your needs?

Pass it on

If you know someone who would benefit from this article, why not pass it on? People are just waiting for the right inspiration to take that next step forward in their lives. Perhaps this blog could be that inspiration for someone you care about?

Post Script

You are a complex combination of qualities, some of which are obvious to you and many others that are not.  The archetypes are a useful tool to explain and demonstrate how to bring these qualities forth and how they manifest in your life.  There are the qualities that are supportive of your best self (the Light side).  There are those that are detrimental to your best self (the Dark Side made infamous in the Star Wars series).  In my Mindful Movement Courses I work with the archetypes to bring forth the qualities that can be supportive to realising your best self.  There are many archetypes, too many to cover in a single course.  I have chosen six: Warrior, Lover, Rebel, Magician, Jester and of course Sovereign.  I hope by writing this series of blogs, I will be able to explain their power and usefulness to you in your life.

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Archetypes- Rebel

Coaching is about evoking transformation. This means growing on the inside, overcoming self- limiting beliefs and expressing a new and more whole voice in the world. By consciously embracing your fullness, you share yourself more completely. To do this takes courage, heart, determination and persistence. This does not have to be a hard journey. It is a journey of blossoming and blooming into your fullness.

Introducing The Rebel

The Rebel challenges the status quo & evokes transformation

One of the archetypes that can be really powerful in this process is The Rebel. So often we create strategies to get us through this situation or that period in our lives. Frequently we discover later on that these strategies are no longer working for us anymore. They do not give us the results we desire, usually because we have decided that we want different outcomes.

Childhood Strategies

As children, we may find that if we lacked attention from our parents for example, that we developed a strategy to get as much attention as possible. We might have been really well behaved and strived for outstanding results at school or sports. We hoped for positive attention by doing this and may have strived harder still if we did not get the praise we wanted. Alternatively, we may have decided to create havoc and get the negative attention that this generally attracts. Attention is attention and people employ different strategies to get it for a myriad of reasons.

Strategies in Adulthood

Later in life we might decide that trying to be perfect so that we can get praise no longer serves us. We might notice that no matter how hard we try we never get quite enough praise from other people to quiet the voice of doubt or concern. We may get to the point that we realise that the only way we are going to have true peace and contentment is to do what makes us happy. No external reference points. Rather an internal motivation that can be pleased if we are strong enough to answer that calling. Instead we might rather do things to receive self- praise rather than praise from others. Our behaviour might look completely different, as we are no longer doing things to please our parents or teachers. Instead we act to please ourselves. We might go walking in a rain storm rather than stay indoors and clean the house or watch TV.

The child that sought negative attention through misbehavior may notice as an adult that people do not trust them or feel that they cannot be relied upon. Therefore, they may not get the partners they want or develop through their chosen career. Their behaviour in the past was to get attention, albeit negative attention, which is going to attract people into their lives that will give them negative attention in adulthood. Until they realise this pattern of behaviour, they may get in the way of their own success. Noticing this will also lead to behaviour change.

Breaking Free

When we notice this need to shift, we need energy that will break free of the old patterns of behaviour. We need a Rebel within us to buck the trend, overturn what isn’t working and break the rules that have kept us in this place for so long. This means we have to destroy the old and bring in the new. We have to shock the system we have created, challenge the status quo and be outrageous. This is how it will feel to us when we take on the challenge of transformation. This is not an external rebellion per se. It is an internal rebellion that will lead to change on the outside.

Think of the rebels of history who changed the world. Mahatma Gandhi transformed India into an independent country free of Empirial rule. Martin Luther King evolved people’s views of Afro- American rights. Richard Branson challenged the monopoly of countless corporations and said he could do it too and even do it better. Steve Jobs revolutionised computing, music, telecommunications, education and publishing. Of course there are many more examples.

The Internal Rebel

For our own internal world, we want this same energy and vision for our own lives. We want to step out of our Comfort Zone, if only for a while, and embrace the unpredictable seas of change so that we can grow into the next version of ourselves. This is a positive energy that has us moving forward, growing, evolving and transforming ourselves on the inside. The result is that our external world will change as well. True growth starts from within.

We want this force in our lives as and when we need it. Not all the time. Being constantly on edge can be due to excessive Rebel energy. We might see this in someone who is always up for a fight no matter what or someone on the edge of society who may turn to crime. Excessive Rebel energy can be destructive and have a negative impact on us, and the people around us. Turned negative the Rebel evokes negative transformation. This can manifest as the Saboteur. A force driven by fear that leads to low self- esteem and self- destructive behaviour, blocking our own empowerment and success.

Rebel Embodied

The Rebel feels edgy. Internally, the Rebel challenges conformity within you. You might feel that as an uncomfortable sensation as the Rebel pushes for change and you resist. The voice of the Saboteur holds you in check while the Rebel calls for something different. This might feel energising or exhausting. Consequently, your body may stand really strong, focused and buzzy. Alternatively, you might feel crushed by the internal struggle, stooped, conflicted and on edge. That embodied agitation can feel uncomfortable for you and others. It may be a sign that the need for change is growing within you. It might be time to listen.

Rebel Energy

The positive energy of the Rebel is very different from the Warrior or the Sovereign. Though the Rebel can be principled and values driven, there is an idealism and searching in its energy that is very powerful. Let me give you an example from one of my clients:

Sacha was a manager in a supermarket chain who wanted to create a better life for himself and his family. He sent himself back to school and then on to do a psychology degree so that he could earn more money and have a career that was fulfilling. He had to overcome the barriers he had within himself that told him he was not intelligent enough to get the qualifications needed. Sacha challenged his preconceived ideas of what life should be like for him and his family. He chose a path he felt was more in line with his values and what was important to him.   He now has much more of the life he wants.

The Rebel’s time

Without that Rebel energy he would not have had the inertia and power to make that happen. More content now, that energy has subsided. It is replaced with other energies to move him forward on that career path which may include the Warrior and Sovereign energies.

As in history, the Rebel has his time and then is replaced by other leaders who cement the new ways into practice. Then in time, things have to change again. So it is with us. We find the energy to change things because life demands it of us or we demand it of ourselves because we do not wish to continue as we are.

Then we settle into a new way of being. Until it is time to change again and transformation is on the cards. Career paths, relationship shifts, growing children, our own old age, health issues, changing goals may all be the arena of the Rebel. When we call on the Rebel, we have the energy, fight and determination to create something new and better than what was possible before. For this, the Rebel is unequalled.

Over to You

When have you needed the Rebel energy? Do you struggle with change or embrace it? How have you managed to evoke transformation when change was required? Do you recognise the Rebel energy in yourself and others? Have you noticed the more destructive side of the Rebel in others or yourself? I’d love to hear your comments and learn how the Rebel has served you, or been a disservice, in your life.

Pass it on

If you have found this article useful, please pass it on to someone you know. You never know when words might strike a cord at a particular time and inspire someone you love and care about to evoke transformation.

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Archetypes- Magician

Many of my clients are successful in their careers and enjoy the benefits of material wealth. In spite of attaining these perceived goals, they still feel like they are missing something. They may feel that the magic of their youth has been replaced by the practical considerations of adult life: paying the mortgage, career progression, the responsibility of child care and aging parents for example. Of course, these things are important. Yet, when they are done to the detriment of our dreams this can often lead to discontentment, disappointment and discord. When the magic of life is lost to us, we can call upon our internal Magician to find it again, bring it alive in us and create a magical life of joy and adventure.

Magician Introduced

This Magician is one of Karl Jung’s original archetypes and can manifest in us at any age. As an archetype, the Magician is a universal figure, a reluctant teacher who understands the way of the world and knows how to harness this wisdom for the good of all. You might be familiar with the Magician in popular culture as Obi Wan Kenobi (Luke Skywalker’s guide and teacher in Star Wars), Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter’s mentor) and Aslan (C.S. Lewis’ wonderful Lion Magician in the Narnia Series of books). These figures are more than teachers. Learning their ways equips us with skills to create the life we really want for ourselves at a deep level. As ever with these archetypes, they live within us all. They are not only characters in our lives.

When you were young, you may have been full of ideas about what you were going to be when you grew up. Astronauts, Fairy Godmothers, Firemen, Princesses, Journalists, adventurers and so on. This was the Magician talking to you, filling your head with dreams of what could be. How many of us actually do those things? Not many of us it must be said. There is something about that childhood innocence that makes it so straightforward, when as an adult, we understand that life is more complex than that. Social pressure to live a certain way, take a “sensible” job or career path, have a certain standard of material wealth, keeping up with the Joneses often crush the childhood dream. We cannot see how we can make a living doing our dream and still live up to the responsibilities that society and life place upon us.

Magician Ignored

It is important to realise that we take on these responsibilities, consciously or unconsciously. We also play our part in allowing the voices of society to win out over our hopes and dreams. That voice from the media, teachers, parents, politics, family, peers and society at large is so loud, it drowns out our childhood wishes. That innocent voice becomes quieter and quieter as the years progress and we lose touch with the Magician’s voice. It lies dormant, yet it’s yearning to be fulfilled is still powerful.

The voice manifests in a longing to do something different to what you are doing. It shows up in discontent, a nagging feeling (blog) that there is something more to life, if only you could work out what it is. When it gets really bad, it feels like a hole inside you, a void that cannot be filled. Some people try to fill that void with food, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping and friends, yet it does not fill the gap.

Crisis starts the Search

You can spend a lifetime filling the gap rather than looking for the answer. Most return to the search for that answer due to some crisis or other: divorce, death of a friend or relative, health issues, redundancy, financial ruin, personal touches with death and so on. Neither do you need to wait that long, nor for things to get that bad. If you feel that void, that is the sign to start searching again and begin listening to that inner voice.

As a child you probably spent lots of time at play. You created whole worlds in your imagination that felt so real, you might have mistaken fantasy for reality.

How do you begin to turn it around? If you cast your mind back to your youthful fantasies, you might recall you spent lots of time at play. You created whole worlds in your imagination that felt so real, you might have mistaken fantasy for reality. Yet, in that play the Magician worked it’s wonder. You were in awe, passionate, inspired, motivated and lost in a world of imagination and creativity. That force of your mind need not disappear as you grow older. If it is alive in you, it acts as a force that continues to inspire you and continually create an exciting life journey. To remain connected to it you must give it time and energy.

Finding time and space for the Magician

Too often we are told to stop wasting our time on childish things and grow up. Magic is not only something for the young. It is for all ages. I do not mean the conjurers tricks, the “little, peddling magician who works by rules and books” (C.S. Lewis, The Magician’s Nephew, Narnia Series). Rather I am talking about the Intuition, Instinct and Insight. The real magic of life in which we have a vision and strive for it, we see life as a mystery and marvel at it and we know life to be an adventure to be lived as fully as possible.

In our hectic lives of responsibility, pressure, stress, tension and endless demands, we need to find some space to connect to that part of ourselves. I know it is hard, yet the benefits are astounding.   Time to unplug and give you the time to relax and remove the almost relentless tension you feel in your body, mind and emotions. Writing, drawing, painting, poetry, music, movement, meditation, singing, crafts, reflection and contemplation are all examples of connecting to the Magician. You get a chance to create and be free to explore your thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Over time this connection deepens and you begin to get insights into what other things you might want to explore. The journey is endless. Your potential is unlimited. If you begin this journey, it may start as a hobby. It may grow into something larger and more important to you. It may even grow into a new career path.

Support on the Journey

You may like to join a group. Art classes, music lessons, choirs, yoga groups, discussion meetings, evening classes, bands, meditation or contemplation groups. There is so much out there to join in with. Find the thing or things that really light you up inside and remove the feeling of that void that feels so painful now. Notice the contentment that begins to grow within you.   Surround yourself with like- spirits, for the journey is easier with other people who are traveling a similar road.

So, begin to find that silent sacred space to access the Magician in your life. Only by stepping away from the frantic pace of modern living, if only for 5 minutes, can we hope to hear the voice of the Magician. When we are silent we can listen to our intuition, the voice of the Magician. I am struck that “silent” and “listen” are anagrams. It is interesting that to truly listen we must be silent inside, still and calm, and then the message comes through loud and clear.

As human beings, we are so much more than our conscious mind, the part of the brain that deals with logic, lists and reason. We are also an intuitive and creative being, skills of the subconscious that get drowned out by the loud conscious mind. In its insecurity, the conscious mind or ego, creates a need to be listened to. This is only part of your full potential. To be fulfilled and at peace, we must listen to both parts of the mind. The Magician’s realm is the subconscious, the world of imagination and creativity. When fantasy becomes reality and we live our dreams, the power of peace and harmony, as well as no longer being in internal conflict, is profound.

Over to You

Do you feel that void inside? If so, do you fill it with food, alcohol, cigarettes and the like, or do you seek out the Magician? How did you start your journey to discovering the Magician? Would you like to start your journey to hearing the Magician’s voice? Did you have dreams as a child and wonder what’s happened to them? Would you be willing to go on a journey to explore what your Magician wants for you?

If so, please get in touch.  We can discuss how we can make this happen for you by working together. These first steps can be made more easily with support.  A life coach can be an ideal person to keep you accountable to the changes you commit to and the direction of growth you have decided upon.  If you think you might want to work with me through this process, you can reach me by e- mail on david@potentialitycoaching.co.uk. Please post your comments at the foot of the page. It would be good to get a conversation going about this fascinating subject.

Pass it on

If you know someone who might be struggling with this challenge, please pass this link on to them. It might make a huge difference to their life and may stop the ache and discontent they are feeling in this period of their life.

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Archetypes- the Lover and Connection

Connection

Connection is a powerful force. It marks out the great speakers, leaders and teachers, for they act from a place connection. In connection they show confidence, presence and a centred strength that manifests as calm, power and passion.

The true power of connection comes from within, connecting to yourself first & so allow that connection with others. It comes from a strong sense of self, freeing you to have a deeper connection with all

Connection to what you might ask? Firstly, they connect with themselves, by means of honour, integrity and living on- purpose. From that place of self- knowledge and understanding, they are able to connect to others through empathy and compassion. By extension, they love life and the world around them and remain open to its connection in its many forms.

Once this connection is in place, the love that flows along it will manifest itself in a myriad of ways. Men and women will show it differently. What will be the same is the connection that marks the quality of the interaction. You know when you are having a conversation with someone whether they are truly paying attention. You can sense it.

Confidence

It is easy to be confident when you are guarded and never give anything away. I would call this inauthentic confidence. You hide behind a mask and never show your true feelings and vulnerability.

It is a much more challenging prospect to be vulnerable, show your imperfections, share your truth and be open to the consequences of the actions that result from that way of being. To be able to do this confidently shows an inner strength and resilience that demonstrates authentic confidence.

You may find it easier to walk through life disconnected from yourself, others and the world. It is a very different proposition to maintain the connection with yourself and the people and the world around you when you run the risk of your heart being broken and your dreams dashed.

If you are to have authentic confidence and be able to relax into yourself with peace and calm, this vulnerability is essential. The bluff and bluster of a person too fearful to make mistakes and show their true feelings cannot grow in their authentic confidence. They are not in touch with their body, mind and emotions enough to know who and what they are at a deep level. They cannot truly share themselves because they have no idea how gloriously wonderful and flawed they are. It is this connection with yourself that starts the process of connection outwards into the world and the people you share your life with.

 Connection and the archetypes: Lover

In the world of archetypes, the Lover is this aspect of connection. Regardless of gender, when we live in connection with ourselves and others, we are open to intimacy. Of course this includes sexual intimacy. It also includes deeper and more enriching relationships with almost everyone in our lives.

We can do this by opening up physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Physically, we may speak about Presence. Mentally, curiosity might involve exploration and delving into the source of something such as gratitude, compassion and appreciation. Emotionally, we keep an open heart and wish to connect with others. Spiritually, we may practice meditation, contemplation and a love of life, which might also involve a combination of all of the other three. Living your life this way in turn gives others permission to do the same.

 One- sided connection

There is a risk that this connection is outwardly directed only. This is the Lover in Shadow. You may seek this connection from others and so try to please them for their love and admiration. In this you may lose your identity. This may drive you to feel eternally restless, fragmented, depressed, flat or dead inside.   The restlessness comes from endlessly seeking connection with others without that connection with yourself, to fill that gap you feel within. Without that source of connection, you may experience low mood and vitality.

 Two- way connection

In fact, the true power comes from within, connecting to yourself first, so that you allow that connection with others. It comes from a strong sense of self, freeing you to have a deeper connection with all.

The Lover seeks this grand union with all things. I have a client who started coaching seeking to explore her potential. Over the months she has revealed an incredible desire for connection that informs her relationships with herself, her clients, children, partner, family, friends and life itself. All are blossoming in the Light of her passion for connection. She opens herself and feels incredible love flowing in and out. Through vulnerable connection she is open to this dynamic dance.

Once upon a time she was dominated by fear, closed down and unwilling to interact with people without conflict. When we met she wanted to be free of this negativity. Now at last she is breaking loose and enjoying tremendous success and joy.

Connection in action

In the Moving Meditation courses I run, we explore the Lover in the four aspects of embodiment: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. We start by connection internally which inevitably leads to external connection and an automatic, natural and organic connection happens spontaneously.

And for those of you who think the Lover is reserved purely for romantic gestures. In my experience, the Lover informs all the other archetypes I explore. Firstly, Warrior is more empathic rather than emotionally detached. Sovereign is more compassionate instead of exhibiting over baring control. Magician is more interested in universal service rather than self -serving. Jester is more insightful than simply a comic raising a laugh. Finally, Rebel is empowered by a cause for the greater good rather than to destroy for the sake of change.

Over to You

Where do you find yourself disconnecting in relationships? How does that show up in your behaviour? In what way do other people respond? How do you react when other people disconnect from you? In what way are things different when you remain connected? Where do you see the Lover showing up in your life? What areas of your life would you like to see your Lover show up more? I’d love to hear your comments and observations about the power connection has in your life.

 Pass it on

Thank you for reading. I hope you found this article useful? If you know anyone who would benefit from reading it too, please pass it on and help others delve deeper into their true potential. It will also help expand the Potentiality Coaching community.

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Archetypes- the Warrior within

How can Warrior help you in areas of your life?

There is so much more to us than we realise. How can we begin to access the strengths, wisdom and talents we do not know we possess? Archetypes are a way of connecting to qualities that are within us, even though we might not know they are there.

We tend to think of ourselves as having particular strengths and skills of which we are aware. You might notice that you have particular qualities that make you good at certain tasks or jobs that lead you towards a specific career or field. For example, I followed a career in science because of my logical and rational way of thinking, I am good at following complex instructions and I have great patience to repeat things many times.

In my experience though there are depths to us that are covered, which are yet to be explored. It can have great value to examine these areas of our being. We can surprise ourselves with qualities we never dreamed we had and get results in life’s situations that are beyond our expectations. We may even live a wonderful unexpected adventure because we have uncovered once- hidden potential. In my life I have grown to become a prolific writer and have the capacity to give people space and freedom to explore themselves, which I use with coaching clients and in my charity work.

 Archetypes introduced

There are many routes to accessing these subconscious qualities and develop them consciously so that they can be cultivated. One such idea is the archetypes, originally introduced by Carl Jung and developed in a number of ways by Joseph Campbell and Caroline Myss amongst others. Jung believed that archetypes appear across all cultures and throughout time as common features of the human psyche. They embody particular qualities in both the Light and the Shadow of the mind. Do not think of them as gender specific. Archetypes are beyond stereotypes.

I find them useful because they are instantly relatable. If you think of a warrior for example, you might visualise a man in armour, holding weapons, ready for battle. Perhaps Boudica, the Iceni warrior queen, comes to mind?  You might think him courageous, principled and ready to face death. When we find ways to relate to these archetypes, we can embody them ourselves. We can take on some of these qualities, feel them and use them to make us stronger if we need courage for example. I use the archetypes in some of my Mindful Movement courses as a means to access qualities in people that they might find useful in exploring themselves, over- coming barriers to growth and creating the life they want for themselves.

 How Archetypes are used in Mindful Movement

Being introduced to archetypes is like meeting old friends, some long lost, others very familiar. Accessing them helps us get in tune to parts of our character and personality that can be very powerful when used in the right way. There are literally hundreds of archetypes if you trawl the internet. I use six that allow people to rise to the challenge of:

  • living life on purpose
  • deeper relationships
  • personal responsibility
  • managing stress and relaxation
  • greater confidence
  • resilience
  • values- based living and more.

Let’s look at these six archetypes in turn and explore how they can make you more mindful about how you behave, the choices you make and the actions you take. We will start with Warrior.

Warrior

Think of warriors in popular culture and you might conjure up King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, a Norwegian Viking, a Japanese Samurai or a Jedi Knight. Warriors are all about facing death and living life with principle and purpose. They are values- based people, here to protect what is most important to them. Warriors are about focus, courage and standing up to the plate. They possess great confidence through their long training and expertise. They prove their worth through battle in many ways. Hardship and going without (minimalism) are a way of life.

 Light and Shadow

The wise warrior understands that fighting is the last resort and that other strategies are best employed beforehand to avoid direct conflict. These great leaders stand in the Light. Conversely, the weak, masochistic or sadistic warrior acts through fear in Shadow. He will inflict pain on others or himself because he lacks the confidence and courage to stand shoulder to shoulder with others. He fears he is weak compared to them and so will act to cover his own weakness.

Warrior Embodied

The embodied feeling of the warrior is one of physical power and strength, icy focus and deep compassion or profound emotional detachment (depending on whether in the Light or the Shadow). Standing tall, in anticipation and eager to get going, Warrior’s responsibility is to protect at all costs. He takes his role very seriously. It is about win or lose and to deal with your adversary with respect and humility. To embody this, watch how the great Warriors of our modern day behave: athletes such as Mo Farrah and Jessica Ennis, leaders like Tony Robbins and Gabrielle Bernstein, politicians such as Barak Obama and Aug Sang Suu Shi.

 How does Warrior show up?

How does this manifest in your every day life? Clarifying your values, giving you focus on what is important to you so that you can priorotise is a powerful warrior trait. Dedication to life- purpose and living life on purpose is the warrior’s way. Warrior will support you in achieving skills for goal completion and ensure you adopt habits for success. The minimalist qualities of Warrior will help you declutter, simplify your life such as getting out of debt. Warrior will help you during that important interview, presentation and talk. Warrior will also support you when you need courage in challenging situations.

Be careful of less positive traits such as emotional detachment that can lead to hurtful behaviour towards others. Also, the antithesis of warrior’s can- do attitude could be taking a passive role in areas of your life so that you allow yourself to be manipulated.

Learning to embody this archetype has been invaluable to me over the years. It has given me confidence when I’ve needed it. Confrontation has not often resulted. Usually, I can see the trouble ahead and take action well before it gets to that. When I get that wrong, I know I have Warrior’s power to carry me through with confidence.  For my clients, Warrior embodies a particular energy that carries them through to completing their goals.  Playing full out to ensure total commitment can overcome obstacles that would otherwise get in the way.

 Over to You

How could Warrior help you in areas of your life? Do you recognise any of the traits listed in the blog that you relate to? Are there any areas that you could work on to strengthen your warrior that would enhance your life? Do you use Warrior in the wrong context? Where could you use Warrior more in your life? Do you think it might be better to use Warrior less? I’d love to hear your thoughts and notices in light of this blog. Please post your comments in the box below.

 Pass it on

If you think there is material in this blog that would be useful to someone you know, why not forward them the link and get them engaged in the conversation?

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The art of good relationships is connection not disconnection

Disconnection

In your relationships of all kinds, do you notice how you or others disengage from conversations or interactions? There is a disconnection that can take place by which you or they are no longer present to the conversation. Sometimes this will be because you are thinking of the next thing to say once the other person has finished. Other times you might be bored and so you drift off into some fantasy.

Further examples might include feeling uncomfortable with the topic or tone of the conversation, so people might leave the room completely or sit back and stop listening altogether. Obstinate refusal to understand what the other person is staying or see another view can lead to raised voices and frustration in which no one is listening. Over zealous chatter because someone is nervous at a party can create a powerful disconnection in other people. Conversely, having a silent respondent can also feel like you are talking to your self. Whatever the reason for the disconnection, the other person may feel hurt, offended or simply not listened to and this can affect the quality of the relationship.

Why do you disconnect from pain?

In my experience, these points of disconnection are done very unconsciously. They are not done to hurt or harm even though they can have this affect. The reason for our disconnection is because we feel pain in some way or other and we want to move away from the pain. We are biologically programmed to steer away from pain such as hot flames and ferocious animals. To our mind and body, pain is pain. We do not make a distinction about its source. We set about avoiding pain of all sources in a most unconscious way.

Not all pain needs to signal that there is something to avoid though. Some pain is telling you that something is happening that you could deal with by steering into it, not away from it. Why do you feel uncomfortable about that topic? What is it about raised voices that make you shrink away? Why do you disengage when you are bored rather than maneuver the conversation towards topics that interest you? What is it about that person that makes you feel uncomfortable?

Steering into the pain

In Mindful Movement classes we do an exercise that looks at this topic. Based on Aikido principles of light touch and flow within flow, participants are invited to lead and follow each other around the room. Inevitably, tension in the body results, as people begin to feel uncomfortable in the exercise and lose that light touch connection. Tension is a way in which the body and mind manifest pain.

Relaxation allows you to respond to situations with a light touch

I invite people to explore the nature and location in their bodies where that tension lies and ask them to relax into it. The responsibility of leading or the frustration of being led can result in a lot of tension in the body. It brings up something uncomfortable which is a mild form of pain. The body and mind respond by creating tension. This means that the body does not work as well as it might (muscle tension, shallow breathing, poor posture, lack of awareness of the surroundings).  The mind is neither focused on the task nor has clarity of purpose, emotions are in a place of fear and lack and the connection between partners is poor at best.

Relaxation dissolves resistance

Once participants are reminded to relax, suddenly the whole process changes. The tension that once blocked the pain and kept it frozen in place is removed and suddenly that energy can flow through the mind and body. Suddenly the pain gives way to dynamic flow and a relaxed creative process can begin to take place.

Though there is a leader and follower, both are co- creating the dance of movement much like people create a magical conversation together. The mind is clear and focused and better able to hear the intuitive voice. Emotionally, participants are more responsive to themselves and each other and a confidence in the process develops in which both people feel safe to explore and test ideas.

 Body tension tells you there is pain to address

This exercise is a metaphor for daily interactions in which tension can often lead us to disconnect. Simple awareness of the process can be enough to mindfully interact with people and be more conscious about how we are when we interact. When we feel the tension in the body and notice how the mind and emotions are responding as well, we can take action to relax. This will not change the situation immediately. It will, however, change how you respond to it and so the outcome of your interaction.

From personal experience I can share a couple of public speaking engagements I attended. The first was a networking event and I froze in front of all the people as I stood up to say my piece. I never allowed the tension to leave my body and so I remained short of breath, my mind remained foggy and I was unable to speak. The second was a better experience. I arrived at the venue expecting 10- 15 people to turn up. As people arrived the number grew to 25. With each new person I felt the tension rise. Once I noticed it, I could let the tension go and I was able to speak in front of all those people quite easily. Most importantly, I was relaxed and myself. That meant the audience enjoyed the experience far more than if I had been as tense as I had been before.

Relaxation releases tension and pain

By noticing tension, you are able to take steps to release that tension.  We can do that through centring, breathing or actively relaxing the body. When you are relaxed, you can choose to steer into the pain or discomfort.  This brings your awareness to it and dissolves it away. It invites you to face what is perhaps most urgent and important in this moment. Tension and pain are the ways in which the mind and body communicate the need to deal with urgent and important situations.

Rather than interpret that information as something to avoid, I invite you interpret it as something to steer into. Through the awesome power of your awareness, you can dissolve that tension. The result is deeper, more intimate and powerful relationships with others and yourself as well as better health and well- being. The body and mind are not supposed to remain tense for too long. These are short term signals to get your attention. Not long term inconveniences to get used to that ultimately tighten up and restrict mind and body. A relaxed body and mind thinks clearer, reacts more appropriately, heals better, loves deeper, works longer, focuses more sharply and gives more fully.

Relaxation frees body and mind

Mind and body are meant to be loose and free in movement. Physical and mental versatility, agility, adaptability and flexibility are the hallmarks of relaxation. Tension and rigidity give us no choice but to disconnect. Relaxation allows us to remain connected through the most troubling and difficult situations. It also allows us to remain connected when we receive praise, love and generosity. It is this acceptance of all life’s situations, the ups and the downs, that relaxation allows. If we can learn to steer into them, we can improve the quality of our relationships, with ourselves, others and the world around us.  We can explore the potential that exists on the other side of tension and disconnection.

Over to you

How do you disconnect? What things move you to disconnect? Are you able to remain connected when you are faced with difficult situations? How well do you receive praise and do you fully accept it graciously? As always I’d love to hear from you. Please post your comments in the box at the foot of the page and share your thoughts, experience and understanding.

Pass it on

If you found this blog useful, please pass it on to someone you think will benefit. If you like the sound of topics covered in the Mindful Movement classes you can find out more here. Alternatively, send me an e- mail (david@potentialitycoaching.co.uk) and I can answer your questions and give you additional information. Thank you.

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The Journey of Life

Without a distant view of the horizon, it is impossible to keep moving your life forward in the right direction & have the patience & perseverance to reach that destination

Without a distant view of the horizon, it is impossible to keep moving your life forward in the right direction & have the patience & perseverance to reach your destination

Life is a long journey, we hope. Yet, is there a destination?  Do you ever “get there”?  Where is “there” for you?  Is it that house, retirement, that special person, a car, a certain salary or a spot on the career ladder?  Is it peace of mind?  Whatever it is, it is a larger purpose that drives you and informs many of your choices in life until you reach those distant goals.  You will deny your self of other things so that you can achieve your goals.  As a life coach, I am drawn to ask clients these questions, for it is at the root of these that fulfilment is lived on a day to day basis. It is these fundamental questions that drive you along the long journey of life.

I was reading a National Geographic article when it struck me that we share these driving urges and qualities with the animal kingdom. This article was discussing long distance migrations and the qualities animals show to achieve those long term goals. The main one we share is the ability to defer short term gratification for long term gain. Without that distant view of the horizon, it is impossible to keep moving forward in the right direction and have the patience and perseverance to reach that destination- all essential qualities to achieve any long term goals.

Making goals a values- based choice

The context you create sets the tone of your journey- will it be one of slogging your guts out or will it be joyful? Will it be work centred?   Will it be friends and family centred? For each step along the way to be fulfilling, you require a clear context around the qualities that are most important to you- in coaching speak, these are called values.

A house holds no importance in and of itself. It is the value- systems you place upon it that gives it significance. Is it an investment? It is a retirement fund? Is it a home, a place to rest or a place to share with family and friends? Therefore, whatever you decide, it is based upon the things that are important to you and it is in serving those important things that makes the house significant. And so it is with the long journey of life. Whatever those distant goals and final destination, it is how you have honoured what is important to you that makes life fulfilling.

Why goals are important

It is important to have destinations, goals that give you a focus and direction. Without them you would go nowhere, achieve nothing and life would be boring and dull. And yet, in all the goals you have set for your self, when did the path to that destination go smoothly? When did it ever run as you expected it to? The answer is probably rarely, if ever. That is certainly true for me.

Migrating animals will overcome huge geographical and physical challenges to reach their chosen destination. So too will you, especially when you set your goals so far in the future you cannot truly imagine or conceive of what it really looks and feels like to be there. Setting that destination in the context of your values makes the journey bearable, enjoyable even valuable and will give you the patience and determination to carry on when you may want to give in or become diverted by less important things.

The journey not the destination

The logo for Potentiality Coaching implies this concept. It comes from the Japanese art of Kyudo, The Way of Archery. You are given the target, not to hit it, but to have a reason to fire the arrow. The flight of the arrow is determined by your inner demeanour. How calm are you? What is your state of mind? Are you agitated or are you serene? Do you fire the arrow in anger, in fear, for duty, for love or personal expression? Whatever the reason and motivation, it will come out in the flight of the arrow. How you are being in the world says more about your journey than about your destination. The goals are important, just as the target to the archer is. They set your path. What is most important is how you are when you release the arrow, for that determines how your arrow flies.

The power of congruent living

So on the long journey of life, what is it that you strive for and how are you going about achieving it? Are you working from values that make your life feel fulfilling on a daily basis or does it feel empty? Do you feel listless, frustrated or despondent? Are you joyful, content and deeply fulfilled? In short, the answer to those questions depends on how congruent you are living to your values. If you feel that you are not living more in- line with your values and you are ready to take action so that you can live your life in a more fulfilling way, why not contact me for a free consultation about identifying what is truly important to you and how you can manifest that more in your life?

Over to you

What makes you fulfilled? What is important to you? How do you make sure you keep living with those important things in the centre of your life? What do you do if those values change and you have to re- orient your self? How does changing your goals change your life path? I’d love to hear from you and learn more about what makes life fulfilling.

Pass it on

If you think someone would like the content of this blog and others on the Potentiality Coaching website, why not send them the link or share it on social media?  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

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Five steps to Abundance

Choose these steps towards abundance

Choose these steps towards abundance

Do you find your self thinking that there is never enough?  Wonder if you only had more, you’d be able to go on that holiday or get that job done?

Do you need more friends, money, time, hobbies………..? This is the lack mind- set. Energetically, the power lies in the future. There is no opportunity to get traction in the present in this mind- set and so no energy to make things happen. I have been in this way of thinking in my life and it feels so challenging, as if there is nothing that can be done. It can even get desperate. The energy for life is slowing down and it runs the risk of stagnation. It may already have stagnated.

How do you turn it around? There is so much abundance in the world. If you cannot see it, your perspective is closing your mind to the possibilities. Let’s explore this perspective and start small and work up.

Steps toward abundance

When I get into the mind- set of lack I start the shift by thinking about the abundant air. Every breath I’ve taken since birth has never lacked sufficient oxygen to sustain me. Then I think of people- the friends, family, work and business colleagues and contacts I do have, as well as the countless strangers that could become friends by simply reaching out. I move on to information after that- there are so many resources both on- and off- line to tap into, much of it free, offering courses, groups, support and knowledge to give you what you need for the next step in your life. Opportunity is next on my list- life is full of so much possibility.

The lack mind- set entices you to shrink away from opportunity. The abundant perspective has you trying new things, taking chances and capitalising on opportunities as they present themselves. Go search for them and take the ones that serve you best.

Abundance is seeing what is available and possible and having seen that potential, taking action to take advantage. This is how I see abundance with money. There is so much money in the world and the  opportunity to earn money the way you want to. It takes effort on your part and the first effort is consistently having that abundance mind- set.

Be realistic

When working on this, make sure your statements of abundance are accurate. Do not make unreal and idle statements. Being grateful for what you have often makes you realise how abundant your life truly is and that is a great way to start. Get traction from where you are, see the abundance and positive in your life right now and use this exercise in abundance mind- set to get the energy of your mind flowing towards letting abundance in and transform your life into something fertile, beautiful and abundantly magic.

Over to you

Come on over to the comments box and offer your experience of abundance and how you have moved out of the lack mind- set.  We cannot tap into our full potential of we think small, so how do you think positive so that you flip it around?  I’d love to hear from you.

Pass it on

If you think someone would like the content of this blog and others on the Potentiality Coaching website, why not send them the link or share it on social media?  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

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The Power of Metaphor

The subconscious mind processes and expresses things very differently to the conscious mind

The subconscious mind processes and expresses things very differently to the conscious mind

Metaphor can be a powerful coaching tool.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which you can’t see a way out? When you talk about it your reasoning goes round and round in circles and there is no solution? Do you feel in those scenarios you cannot change things?  That if only this person or that person would just change or see things differently.

I recently had a client struggling with just that situation.  In the true co- active coaching style we co- created a way forward.  It started by painting a picture in words, based on feelings, perceptions and perspectives.

As a client in coaching, it is easy to get caught up in telling the story. This can be useful to set context.  Very quickly it can turn in to a retelling of old thoughts and past actions. For the coach this story can be intriguing but not in a way that serves the client. Instead together, coach and client can co- create a way through to greater insight and understanding, perhaps to resolution, but this is not necessary. With enough insight, the client can work it out without the coach, empowering them towards greater self- assurance and growth.

A client’s experience of metaphor

This client is an Aikido exponent. I asked her “What would this situation look like in an Aikido context?” She explained being held on the floor, pinned in the back by someone’s knee. It was painful. This person holding her down was scared, trying to stop her getting to a third person. She was frustrated, unheard. This third person was stood a little way off, confused.

This gave her powerful insight into the dynamics of the three- way relationship.

I asked her, ”What would you do in Aikido to get out of this?” She said she would relax. Instantly, the situation shifted to her being released.  She was able to sit with the man holding her down on an even level. Able to relate and communicate. Less fear and frustration were around though the third person was still confused.

From here the client knew which ways she could go to work through this situation.  Therefore she could resolve it for a three way win. The power of visualising a situation gave her a sub- conscious, instinctive perspective on a situation.  Her conscious mind had only seen as full of conflict, frustration and fear.

Sometimes, a more intuitive answer is best.  A great way to access that wisdom is through using simile and metaphor. When you next find yourself in a similar scenario, try it your self, alone, with a friend or with a coach.  See what insights and revelations you discover.

Next time

And if you would to know how it worked out for this client, I will share with you in next month’s blog the power of “being” and how it differs from the power of “doing”.

Over to you

Until then, please share your thoughts, ideas and experiences about this idea of simile and metaphor. How has it helped you in the past get insight? How has this blog or the comments at the bottom of the page helped in any way?  Have you struggled working with metaphor?  Do you have another method that works better for you?  I’d love to hear from you.

Why not………..

If you found this article useful and interesting please pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word.  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

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How to make the dream happen?

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Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to achieve what I have dreamed.  How am I going to realise the vision?  I worry about finding the money, creating the opportunities to bring my vision into reality. How am I going to generate the networks? How can I build the audience that loves my message and wants to benefit from what I have to share? Do you find your self posing these questions about your own journey? If so, please read on as this may be useful to you.

Know your “Why?”

Simon Sinek talks about the three circles of how leaders inspire action: ‘why’, ‘what’ and ‘how’. As passionate creators who want to make a difference, people with a message get what Ben Tristem calls ‘mad how’s disease’. We obsess about how we are going to achieve our goals.  Without deeply considering the ‘why’ and the ‘what’.  These are the source of our drive and the manner in which we share it with the world. I have spent years working out my ‘why’ and my ‘what’. I want to know ‘HOW!’

For those of you interested, my ‘why’ is simply to bring people to their fullest potential.  The on- going process of growth and development that keeps driving people to ask ‘Is there more to life and my self than this?’ Through embodiment, mental and physical awareness (both rational and intuitive) as well as a connection to your soul I believe you travel on an unending spiral of maturity and understanding that brings you closer to your answer to this question. This has driven me on my journey to connect with the mysteries of life.  It has led me to encourage others through one- on- one sessions, workshops and weekend retreats.

When the way forward isn’t clear

Recently, in a state of frustration over how we are ever going to achieve our master plans, I committed Emma (my partner) and I to a Sunday afternoon brainstorming session. Bravely we stuck at it for a while.  We got progressively more despondent and bogged down in facts and details without any flashes of inspiration.  Nor did we have the lightness that so often comes with sessions such as these.  In the end it was Emma who said ‘Perhaps we just have to hold the vision in our minds.  May be that is enough for now until things become clearer?’ Instantly, the weight lifted and the joy of our lives’ works returned.

In her flash of insight she made me realise that the ‘how’ comes in stages and often in unexpected ways. The journey is convoluted, making it exciting, frustrating, educational, inspiring, insightful and so much more at different times. To know the whole plan is an illusion or the insistent delusion of a control freak. To hold the plan gently and consistently in the mind keeps the intuition awake for any possibilities.  The mind can work with these to create action and results in the knowledge that one is in fact far less in control than one imagines.

Creating Vision Boards

One of the spin offs of Emma’s insight was to create a vision board. It is a work in progress.  Every time I look at what is already on the board I am reminded of my commitments, desires and dreams. I notice that I think about the vision more.  I make the connections to that vision when events and opportunities present themselves. The ‘how’ becomes clearer daily as I grow and develop along my ever moving path.

So this blog is a thank you to Emma and her insight which greatly helped me and us both. I hope you are reminded of her wisdom the next time the frustration gets the better of you when you insist on answers more concrete than the present allows. Stay focussed on your dreams, most importantly know your ‘why’, be clear about your ‘what’ and the ‘how’?…… Well, let that unfold.

Why not………..

If you found this article useful and interesting please pass it on to other people you think would be interested and spread the word.  I would really appreciate it.  And if you are new to Potentiality Coaching, why not sign up to the e- mailing list at https://www.potentialitycoaching.co.uk/ and get an e- mail straight to your in box when I post my monthly blog and be first to hear about news, information and insights at Potentiality Coaching.  I’d love to have you be part of the community.

 

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