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Confident- how do you grow as a person?

What does it mean to be confident?  Would you call yourself confident?  Are you confident in a particular area of your life or field of expertise? When you step into unexplored roles or arenas, do you struggle with confidence?  Or are you confident in yourself and call upon your inner confidence to step into new roles, find new answers and gain new experiences?

The word confidence comes from the Latin, confidere, which means “to have full trust”.  Therefore, self-confidence is having full trust in yourself.  People strive for excellence in specific fields or areas in their lives.  They become experts in their specialised subject, and they are very confident in that arena.  Yet, take them out of that specialism, and suddenly their confidence has been pulled out from underneath them.  Like the rug has been pulled out from under their feet.  Their confidence gives way to not trusting themselves.

Character building Confidence

It is as if the hard work, perseverance and application to study, learn and grow in a given area have not been fully acknowledged or integrated into their larger life.  This person has not grown as a person.  They may have grown in knowledge, experience and skills, but this does not seem to impact on who they are.  How does being great at poetry make you a great man or woman?  What shift do you need to make in your thinking to turn someone who is great at science or sport or beekeeping into an individual with character?

In the poem “If”, Rudyard Kipling speaks of character, of the qualities I believe build confidence.  Not once does he speak about being a lawyer, accountant, teacher or any other profession.  Nor does he say you need to be rich, spiritual, religious or any other group to belong to.  He speaks to building the qualities in a person that evoke trust and belief in oneself.  That person will not be universally liked, or good at everything they turn their hand to.  Instead, the things this person learns to do will help to forge those qualities that build character.

Confidence is inherent and your birth-right

So, confidence is about learning to cultivate those qualities that I believe human beings have at birth.  They are inherent within us.  A child knows only trust and can only communicate openly, honestly and authentically.  Once we learn the need to mask that behaviour, in an attempt to conform and fit in, we begin to lose that confidence in who we are at our core.  The trust in ourselves begins to diminish and as a result our trust in the world around us.  Yet, that kernel of trust and inner truth is never far away.  We simply need to tap into that inherent wisdom.

Confidence is a superpower. That superhero within is always ready to serve

Think of a time when you were confident.  Perhaps it was playing sport or a musical instrument.  Maybe you felt convinced by an idea you believed in totally or discovered something you know to be true.  When you recall it, what does it feel like in your body?  What feels possible from this place? Allow yourself to be filled up with this feeling.

You have conjured a feeling of confidence, brought it alive in you in this moment.  Now think of the other achievements you have attained in your life.  How capable do you feel?  How do the current challenges in your life appear to you now? Is there possibility, confidence and a way forward for you now?

Confidence and Presence

In my workshops, I use Patsy Rodenburg’s concept of 3 energy circles to explore confidence and presence. Second circle is about being universally confident.  Rather than be confident in a particular situation, you develop confidence in yourself so that you have the belief you can do anything.  You may not know all the answers or know what to do, but you know you have SOMETHING about you that says you can do this.  Learning, trial and error, failure, reflection, integration and perseverance will all play a part in that process- beneath that lies a foundation of confidence in who you are and what you are capable of.

Any life situation can be used to develop confidence in you as a person.  It takes you to look at the situation slightly differently.  You are probably used to doing something really well like riding a bike, or having challenging conversations, or fixing things, or gardening or or or……… and you might say that you are confident at doing that thing.

Growing the whole person

I would like you to think of it differently.  Rather than this skill developing a part of you or an aspect of your character or skill set, think of it as growing all of you, developing the whole of you, making you stronger, more capable, competent, versatile.  The skill, situation or whatever it is, becomes the entry point to grow you as a whole person.  Like the leaves of a tree- they grow and go about their business to grow the whole tree, just as the roots draw water and nutrients for the whole.  Every action makes the tree larger, stronger and more resilient.

You grow in your character and your belief that “if I can learn to do this, then I can learn all sorts of things”.  Carol Dweck, in her book Mindset- How to Fulfil your Potential and TED talk The Power of Believing you can Improve, speaks about praising people for the hard work and effort they put into a piece of work.  This Growth Mindset leads to greater confidence because people believe they have the underlying ability to learn whatever they need to learn and do whatever they need to do to succeed.   There is a curiosity, inquisitive exploration and thirst to discover.  Your work grows you as a person.  You grow in confidence that you have what it takes.

Training and Coaching Confidence

Coaching and Mindful Movement workshops aim to grow the whole person.  They grow your character, confidence and presence.  As you grow in these qualities, you bring them into whatever situations you might face in life.  You will learn what you need, you will gain the experience, you will discover your resources and resilience.  It requires you to be open and willing to learn continually.  And it empowers you to bounce back again and again when setbacks and disappointments inevitably arise.

So, being confident is not about having all the answers or always being right.  Confidence is about trust.  Trust that you will remain engaged in the process of your growth and the growth of others.  That you will see something through to the end and stand by what you believe in.  Trust that you have the character to learn from others, lead with compassion and guide with insight and empathy.  Confidence does not mean you are perfect.  It means you are a great boss, a loving father or mother, a present partner and a life-loving member of humanity.

Over to you

Do you feel confident?  Are you confident in a particular area in your life, or do you feel you have a core foundation of confidence?  How would having that core self-confidence change things for you?  What are you going to do to build that core confidence?

On July 18th, 2019, I will be running the next Be the Best Boss workshop in Cambridge. We will be looking at confidence and presence and how that can have a positive impact on your business as a self-employed solopreneur and on your career as you work up the professional ladder of success in employment. Further details and tickets are available at the link.  Or, if you have further questions, get in touch.

Pass it on

If you know someone who would benefit from more confidence and presence, why not send them the link for the workshop.  They may also enjoy this blog?  I’d appreciate it if you spread the word and shared it with friends, family and colleagues.  Thank you.

Stress is a Choice

What do you say to members of The Royal College of Surgeons about stress?

Yikes! These people are masters of stress aren’t they?

They experience stress on a daily basis that would make most of us buckle at the knees.

These were the thoughts going through my head when I was invited to give a talk about managing stress at The Royal College of Surgeons.

I am someone who is happiest in jeans, T- shirt and the tranquility of nature.  Yet here I was in the centre of London trussed up in a three- piece suit – the full Gareth Southgate waistcoat and all! And it was on one of the hottest days of the year.

Plus, they were videoing and live streaming the entire thing. What was going on with my own stress levels you might ask!?

I started by asking some questions, always a good strategy to get the attention away from you …

  • Do you realise that stress is a choice?
  • Have you noticed there are times when stress is beneficial?
  • How often does stress get in the way of you performing your best and enjoying life as fully as you would like?
  • Would you say that you are closer to your best self when you are relaxed?

They shared the typical sources of stress that people experience almost daily: arguments, unreasonable demands, time pressure, health issues, challenging e- mails and phone calls, lack of sleep and insufficient rest.

They also recognised the ways in which they responded to that stress in mind, body and behaviour: distracted and poorly focused, trouble sleeping, tension in stomach, shoulders and neck, migraines, irritability, tiredness, self- focused (a sense of “me me me” and an awareness of how things are for me rather than anyone else) and difficulty breathing.

Together they concluded what we all know already- that stress did not bring out their best selves.  And these are people who need to be at their best to help the people they’ve been trained to serve!

It’s all too easy to conclude that all stress is bad for you but that’s just not the case. When faced with danger, it’s the stress response that can give us a burst of speed and strength.  It can save our lives.

Fortunately, most of us do not experience that kind of danger at all.  Therefore, stress when we are in a rush, irritated by an e- mail, anxious about a difficult conversation or over worked actually makes us perform less well.  Experienced long- term, it is highly detrimental to our health and wellbeing.

For most situations, keeping the mind and body in a relaxed state will get better outcomes.

Over time and with practice, its possible to respond to situations we previously felt were stressful.  With calm and peace.  The key is to be aware of what we’re feeling in any given moment. And learn some simple techniques to change those feelings.

So we put it to the test……….

I subjected them to an instant stress test (by throwing a tissue at them!).  Then I asked them to notice the changes in their bodies and how they responded.

Then we did a centreing relaxation exercise.  By bringing awareness to their bodies, balance to their posture and relaxation to their muscles along the centre of their bodies.  They noted the difference in the way they felt.

Finally, we repeated the first step so that everyone could highlight the changes they’d experienced.  They could deliberately start the relaxation process rather than stay in a stressed state.

The results were startling.  Across the board, their responses through stress were diminished or even non- existent. This centreing exercise, devised by Paul Linden, is one of the corner stones of the Mindful Movement courses I run, facilitating people’s growth and empowering them to exercise choice.

Stress is a Choice

Once we are aware of our responses, stress becomes a choice.  We don’t need to be a slave to it, as long as we have the awareness to recognise our state of being and the tools to alter our state so that we can choose a different way.

Fortunately, with almost 30 years of practice, I was able to not only get through what could have been a highly stressful experience, but to enjoy it!

The icing on the cake for me was getting fabulous feedback from the people in the room, and most especially, this letter from the CEO …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’d like to know more about Mindful Movement and stress control, just give me a call ….

Life Purpose- find Motivation and Inspiration for your life work

Do you lack motivation? Is inspiration missing in your life? Are you lacking the clarity in your focus to move decisively along your path? Or is that indecision only highlighted when you change course? Do you find yourself frustrated following the paths of others? Yet when you put your mind to it, you cannot think of what it is that YOU want to do? If you can say “Yes” to any of these questions, perhaps it is a question of gaining clarity on your life purpose.

Life Purpose that Lights you up

Life Purpose is your North Star on the Life Coaching journey

Does life purpose seem like such a big and grand topic? For many it feels overwhelming. For others the question of life purpose leads to blank stares or rolling eyes. Yet the benefit of gaining clarity on life purpose leads to a context in which important decisions can be made with insight, conviction and the confidence that this is what YOU want. Not goals imposed upon you externally that do nothing to light you up from within. You also have greater confidence that you are moving your life forward in a meaningful and fulfilling direction. Or at least as confident as you can be.

Life purpose does not mean you have all the answers. A ball park is a good start. A rough guide will do. You can fine tune as you go. In fact, you will need to fine tune as you go as you see things in keener detail the closer you get.

For many years I have loved helping people lead more fulfilling lives. Initially that involved martial arts and the self- development aspect that mental focus and intention bring. Now I include co- active coaching, giving more empowerment to clients than ever before to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. Mind and body focused on deeply resonating outcomes make for an awesome combination. As my skill base has grown so my capacity to help others more deeply has increased.

Life Purpose- A Joyful Exploration

So how do you turn life purpose into a joyful exploration that empowers and motivates rather than overwhelms and leads to resignation? In the co- active model there is a process near the beginning of the coaching called the Discovery Session. This is a powerful process of gaining clarity about the things that are deeply meaningful to you so that these can be present to you in the coaching. It is fun, exciting, revealing, illuminating, inspiring, surprising and full of learning.  It reveals to you your North Star so that you can navigate clearly through your life coaching journey.

Losing sight of these parts of your life that bring fulfilment and purpose mean you may drift aimlessly or live in pursuit of less meaningful goals. Perhaps you know that feeling already? Is it time to stop? Are you ready to take charge?

By answering questions such as “What do you really want?” and “Look ahead six months. Where are you? What decisions would you make today to get there?” you can create a compelling vision that gives you energy and momentum, inspiring you to take meaningful action as part of your every day life. And you keep revisiting this and checking in with it throughout the coaching to make sure it is accurate, relevant and on purpose.

This is not about doing more. This is about doing different, thinking different and being different. It is about holding to that vision. Stop doing the things that detract from that vision and start doing more of the things that make that vision a reality.

Leading from Within

Very often I notice that clients are following a path set out by other people. Rarely if ever have they questioned what they truly want. What deeply motivates them from within that will enable them to live and work with passion, power and fire? When you lead yourself from within, stepping out into the world and leading others becomes so much clearer and a natural expression of your values.

Then, every step you take is fulfilling. Every decision and action is infused with meaning. You gain greater focus. You walk with more purpose. In your body you feel more energised, vital, directed and engaged. There is less room for playing small. And if you do play small you are more likely to be aware of it and more empowered to take action to live and act in your power.

Taking Responsibility

Co- active life coaching and Mindful Movement are designed to give the power and responsibility back to you. In so doing you achieve greater freedom- physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Yes, life purpose can be seen as a big subject, too large to tackle. But, by breaking it down into fun manageable steps it becomes an exciting vision that can infuse and inspire every area of your life. You are a constantly evolving being. Recruiting all your resources, energies and potential becomes much easier when you are clear about what you want your life to be about and make a commitment to achieve it.

All this talk scares some people. I appreciate that. To think of breaking free of the life that makes you feel safe and comfortable can be scary. But, are you at all dissatisfied, curious about what more life can be, what more you are capable of achieving? If so, this is another way of saying you wish to be more fulfilled in your life. If you want to feel that sense of fulfilment instantly, keep feeling it and enjoy the sense of purpose that comes with it, then perhaps you are ready to take the step into life coaching and learn more about your true potential.

Over to You

Do you feel dissatisfied? Are you curious about what more life has to offer? What more are you capable of achieving? Are you clear about what your life purpose is? If so, how does it inform your choices and decisions? Have you had to take a dramatic change in focus or direction in your life? What was that like to reorient yourself to a new purpose and goals? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Please post below in the comments box or engage on social media about this post or any others on the Potentiality Coaching blog.

Pass it on

Why not share this blog or the posts and tweets for it with friends, family and colleagues? It might spur them on to take bold action and live with more fulfilment and a clear sense of life purpose.

What can icebergs tell you about your mind?

Do you find it hard to let your mind go quiet? Have you noticed that your mind jumps around a lot from subject to subject? Do you struggle to stay focussed on any given topic?

Can your mind start worrying about things and send you on a spiralling treadmill of stress or anxiety?

Are you sometimes looking for inspiration but it doesn’t come? Do you hope to have a great idea or answer to a problem and no matter how hard you try it eludes you? Would you like to be more intuitive, creative and imaginative?

Where do you place your attention?

It may seem strange but these issues and challenges are connected, in the sense that they are products of where you place your attention. By placing your attention predominantly on the conscious mind you therefore give energy to the conscious mind and the ways it works. These might include:

Logical thinking
Rational thoughts
Linear processing
Focus on detail

However, the skills of intuition, creativity and inspiration are products of the subconscious mind. By bringing your attention to the subconscious you direct energy towards these talents. As well as the above these might be:

Imagination
Big picture thinking
Seeing how things interconnect
Instinct
Gut feeling
Listening to your heart
Hunches
Sixth sense

Our society tends to favour training our conscious mind, choosing educational methods that promote conscious thinking.

This of course has great value. We need to be organised, keep to our diary, prioritise and think with our head sometimes rather than with the heart.

When the conscious mind is trained and used at the expense of using creative and intuitive subconscious skills, you are denied developing these skills. You are only able to use some of your mind’s full potential. Surely it would be useful to tap into more of your innate skills as well, many of which reside in the subconscious?

Icebergs

View of Iceberg showing 10% above the water ad 90% blow the surface of the ocean

The mind is like an iceberg

The mind is like an iceberg. About 10% resides above the surface of the ocean. This is the conscious mind. By contrast, 90% resides beneath the surface of the ocean. This is the subconscious. Notice how much larger the subconscious mind is? Perhaps tapping into the subconscious would make you even more resourceful, effective, creative and productive?

Our lives are predominantly oriented towards conscious mind activity, looking outward into the world through TV, books, magazines, internet, social media and more. These are not bad things in themselves yet our use of them is so engrained we find it hard to unplug from them. We move from conscious mind activity to conscious mind activity throughout our day. The subconscious mind barely gets a look in.

Subconscious attention

What would it look like to give our subconscious mind some attention? Activities like taking a walk or more vigorous exercise are good ways to connect. Have you noticed how you find solutions to problems during your workouts? Taking almost any break from your conscious mind thinking such as time in nature, gardening, listening to music, gaming, a relaxing bath or a good night’s sleep will do the trick.

Always make sure you’ve got pen and paper or some means if recording your insights with you though. You don’t want to miss any ideas that come bubbling up from the subconscious. Make that a habit. You’re unlikely to remember those ideas when they come, so record them in some way.

You can be more proactive about it. Free- writing is another method and you make notes as you go. The idea is not to edit what you write. It doesn’t have to be any good or even make sense or be legible. It is the process of subconscious connection that is key.

Games the Conscious mind plays

I had a client that wanted to be a photographer. He had saved up and bought the camera and believed he now needed a computer. Perhaps he did to process the photos as effectively as he might. But his conscious mind had decided he couldn’t take the photos without the computer. Therefore he was holding himself back from achieving his dream. More importantly he was delaying himself from readily connecting to his subconscious through photography. The conscious mind can play clever games.

Another message the conscious mind tells you about connecting to the subconscious is that you don’t have time, it’s not important, you won’t be able to, you’re too busy, you’re not good enough and my favourite, do it tomorrow!!!!

Benefits of Subconscious thinking

As I said earlier with our Iceberg metaphor, the subconscious is approximately 90% of the mind. As well as tapping into all these innate skills you are also connecting more deeply into yourself. Rather than being aware of more surface level qualities you possess, when you connect to your subconscious you become much more aware of what makes you content and fulfilled. With that knowledge comes a consistent peace of mind and calm the conscious mind cannot sustain. Making a habit of connecting to the subconscious has got to be worth that alone.

One final perk……. if each person is an iceberg then when people connect to their subconscious, they are in fact connecting to each other through their subconscious via the ocean. In this way, you become aware of people’s moods and emotions, can feel the atmosphere in rooms, be more empathic and have intuitive knowings and insights into people. This will improve the quality of your relationships both personally and professionally as well as your quality of life.

Over to you

How do you connect to your subconscious?  What regular things do you do to unplug from the monkey mind of conscious thinking and delve into the depths of your subconscious?  Do you find it easy to connect?  Do you find it a challenge?  Perhaps you would like to connect and aren’t really sure how?  If so, please get in touch and we can discuss how you might be able to do that.  As ever, I’d love to hear your comments, either in the comments box below or on social media.

The development of these subconscious skills is a large part of the Mindful Movement workshops content.  As well as balancing these qualities with the skills of the conscious mind so that you can access more of your potential and life with deeper purpose and greater fulfilment.  You can find out more here.

Pass it on

Why not share this post?  If you have found the ideas useful why not tell a friend?  Perhaps you came by this blog post via social media?  Then please share, like or retweet the post and spread the love.  Thank you.